Self Awareness

My Soul is Here to Grow

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Two and a half years ago my husband was indicted on 13 counts relating to his business- white collar crime- essentially mail fraud.

He was involved in a company that sent out “mailers” to individuals telling them they were eligible to win a large prize, and if they sent back their $20 or so processing fee, they would receive a sweepstakes entry info. Once the processing fee was received, the company would send out a newsletter of all upcoming sweepstakes offered by brands like Ford, Coca-Cola, Nike, etc. and if someone entered them they had a chance at winning a prize.

Every single mailer they sent was approved by a highly regarded regulatory attorney. Every single one. Some people (less than 20 people, out of millions of customers, complained that they thought they won) and an investigation was launched.

Over the summer my husband went to trial and was found guilty on one count, acquitted on all 12 remaining counts. Yesterday, a judge sentenced him to up to 7 years in prison. We plan to appeal. We have spoken to some of the best appellate attorneys in the country and they all said this is a slam dunk appeal, and I have always felt it would come down to the appeal, but nonetheless that is where we stand.

In 2010 I prayed to become closer to God while in Assisi at the St. Francis church. I asked to be of service to the highest good, and in some ways I have come to look at all that has happened in my life during the last few years as God’s attempt to strip me of my ego, take everything material from me, and force me to really ask myself, are you sure you are ready to be a student of complete surrender and faith? I feel like in some ways God even said, you want to teach? Let’s see how you handle losing everything first… Had I known how difficult it would be to learn what surrender really means, I may not have signed up for all of these lessons in such a short period of time during this lifetime. Never the less, here we are, and I have the choice to shrink from them or learn to see the unfolding of God in even the darkest storms of my life.

I am choosing the latter. I stand by my husband. I have never loved him more. I am not ashamed of him or where we are at. I truly view this as just another way for me to learn compassion through suffering, to learn forgiveness, and to learn to trust that I signed up for these experiences because my soul came here to grow. Boy are he and I growing.

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